This is How To Avoid The Need To Compare!

It is the thief of joy!

In 2020, as I was scrolling through the streets of Instagram, I came upon an account that had it all and I became envious.

I compared my business which was less than two years old then to another that was more than ten years in operation and I felt intimidated.

Who does that?

My mind went...she is doing that, I can also do it and even better.

It continued with...I've not even made sales in a while and she's raking in all the sales possible from her end.

And more yada yada yada…

I muted the account for fear of committing the evil eye. 

Thereafter, I had a conversation with my coach about it and he told me that he had been in the same shoes too. 

And he went ahead to share his thoughts with me. 

He was already making $20k per month in his business with his partner and they were making a huge impact in the Muslim coaches business. However, when he came across another company that was raking in more than theirs monthly, his inner critic reared its head and started the comparison game.

He had to pull himself back to practice gratitude for what he had achieved and let go of the negative vibes.

I felt calm and relieved after our conversation. 

Phew!

My cue nowadays whenever the thoughts of comparison come my way, is to tell myself that I'm on my journey and lane. 

That I’m where I'm meant to be, for now, this gets me quickly back to sanity.

If you're out there, having the same thoughts, know that it's okay to feel that.

However, be fair to yourself whenever you make such a comparison. 

You're not being fair when you compare your chapter two to someone's chapter twenty. The gap is wide.

Also, you aren't aware of where the person you're comparing your business to is in her season of life. 

For example, you might be a new mother and nurturing that baby while the other person might not have that responsibility.  

I remember a time when I envied a coach of mine on how organized she was with her business and I decided to have a chat with her about how I could emulate her.

During our chat, I discovered that we were totally in different seasons of our lives.

For one, she was married and yet to have kids but working a full-time job with her side business. While I was married with four kids within the range of ten to four years with a full-time job and trying to establish my side business too.

That conversation helped me to be focused on my journey rather than on another's. 

Here are seven simple and actionable steps to help you conquer the habit of comparing yourself with others.

Acknowledge God’s Wisdom and Qadr (Divine Decree)

• Remind yourself daily that God has a unique plan for everyone. 

• Reflect on the verse, "Indeed, We have created everything with Qadr (predestination)" (Qur'an 54:49).

• Start your day with this affirmation and trust Allah’s wisdom for your unique journey.

Practice Gratitude (Shukr)

• Focus on the blessings God has given you rather than what others have.

• Every day, list three things you are grateful for. Make this a habit after each Salah (prayer).

Seek Contentment (Qana’ah)

• Embrace contentment with what God has provided for you.

• When feelings of comparison arise, recite the du'a: "Allahumma qanni'ni bima razaqtani" ("O God, make me content with what You have provided me").

Focus on Self-Improvement

• Concentrate on becoming a better version of yourself rather than comparing yourself with others.

• Set personal goals based on your strengths and work on them regularly, seeking God’s help.

Reflect on the Temporary Nature of This World

• Remember that worldly achievements are temporary, while spiritual success is eternal.

• Engage in regular reflection or read about the lives of the Prophets and Companions to remind yourself of what truly matters.

Support and Celebrate Others’ Successes

• Be happy for others’ achievements, knowing that God’s blessings are infinite.

• When you notice someone else's success, make a habit of saying “MashaAllah, may Allah bless it for you” and genuinely feel joy for them.

Seek Refuge in Allah from Envy (Hasad)

• Envy is a destructive emotion. Seek God's protection from it.

• When feelings of envy creep in, immediately recite "A’udhu billahi min ash-shaytan ir-rajim" and follow it with the du'a: "Allahumma inni a'udhu bika min sharr nafsi" ("O Allah, I seek refuge in You from the evil of my soul").

Be kind to yourself to know that you've got a fantastic and unique gift and that the person you're comparing yourself to is another unique being with her set of skills and talents. 

Know this and know peace. 

I pray that Allah blesses all our businesses and puts His Barakah in them. Ameen.

To your awesomeness,

Raheemah

Your Book/Accountability